11/04/2008

Finding my style PART ONE (caveat: very long post!)

I've decided to start blogging again about my journey of "finding my style." Beware, though - my posts will be more verbose with less pictures from here on out since I will be explaining my thoughts on the matter.

Everyone knows that the first step to figuring out your style is to go through your wardrobe. Figure out what you actually like and don't like. Get rid of everything you don't like and start working from there. So I went through my closet and threw out a bunch of things that I just wore because it was something new to wear, or because it was on sale. I got rid of everything that really doesn't fit me, too. Unfortunately, I was left with very few things, but that gives me a chance to then replace everything with something that I will really love and that is really "me."

As I've been reading on other blogs (and from Missi), the next step to finding my style was to start an inspiration board. I love this idea. I started looking through my Vogue, J.Crew, and In Style magazines, and cut out pictures of anything that I thought was something I wanted to emulate, or anything that spoke to me. Yesterday I bought four squares of corkboard from Target for only $5.69.

Below are pictures of the beginnings of my inspiration boards with very long explanations of why they inspire me...

I cut this picture out because it represented something important to me that I've really been struggling with.

I spent most of my life being different. I grew up in a very conservative, Christian home, the second oldest of 11 children, and was homeschooled. To make me even more different, for a while my family avoided wearing any clothes that were trendy, because we were looking to be "in the world, but not of the world." When I turned 15, I started only wearing skirts and dresses that were below the knee so I would look as feminine (and also as modest) as possible. During that time the "it" look for my age was grunge. Yes, I stood out in my ankle length skirts and dresses.

As my family and I grew, we eventually became less and less extreme, and I think struck a balance. We still opt for the more conservative side of dressing, but have found that following a clothing trend does not make us "of the world." We don't want to dress "slutty" in anyway, but have found that dressing as attractively as possible makes a better statement to the world than covering up for dear life.

Since I spent so many years being different, I have enjoyed following the crowds with what I wear, and blending in through my young adult and young married years. Since starting this blog, however, I have yet again become "different" and it has recently started to bother me. Most moms scoff at me when they see me chasing my toddler around in wedge heels at the park. Some moms roll their eyes at me when I am wearing tights and a dress while shopping. I get snarls from other moms if I'm seen in heels, and am constantly getting comments (which are more like accusations), about how I manage to walk around in stilettos when I'm holding a toddler.

I think most moms just thought I was trying too hard, and wondered why I couldn't just put on a t-shirt and jeans. Maybe other Moms thinks I'm being selfish. Or yet others who simply think I am not being practical and putting my own vanity in front of my child's safety.

I've been thinking hard about this a lot. Evaluating whether I am trying too hard, or whether I care about how I look more than my child. Do I do this for me, my husband, my friends, or the world? The picture of this young Mom in her spectacular evening gown, but with her young son peeking out from behind her skirt, her Converse sneakers and simple cardigan sweater taming down her look, made me realize that I dress this way because it is "me". Nothing is wrong with a t-shirt and jeans, but nothing is wrong with heels and a dress either...EVEN if you're a Mom. It doesn't make me any less of a Mom if I wear a dress than if I wore jeans.

I think it's time for me to embrace being "different" again and keep my dressing standards. It's ok to wear 4 inch heels when you're a Mom if that's what you like. It's ok if I want to wear tights and dresses when other moms are wearing jeans and tennis shoes. This IS my style.

So the picture above is my favorite and that is why my "Mother in red" gets her very own board.
This next board represents a few things. In the corner you see a white shirt from Banana Republic. Plain, boring, but classic. This is a reminder to me that I need to remember to stick to classic pieces that never go out of style.

I also have a picture of Reese Witherspoon on her daily jog. Reese has three children, and yet she still stays fit. Maybe I don't always get to jog, but this reminds me to workout everyday.

The roses are pins from J.Crew. This is a reminder to me to keep everything I wear as feminine as possible, because that is what I like best. There is nothing more feminine than a rose brooch.

Then the nail polishes represent colors I want to wear more of. Deep, warm reds and burgundies. I'm not sure how long these colors will stay on my inspiration board, though, as I'm still exploring what colors I think really look good on me.

This next board is my hair inspiration board. In the middle is a picture I drew of myself with very short hair. Beneath that are two pictures of models with gorgeous long hair. I am always getting the urge to cut my hair short so I can look like the other Moms, and the super chic Hollywood style icons. Everyone is cutting their hair into a super sexy bob right now and I definitely have the itch. I think short cuts are so gorgeous on everyone! Nevertheless, my signature look is long hair and I think I need to stick to that. So everytime I get the urge to see myself with short hair, I can just look at this board, and then look beneath it and realize that no matter if I would look cute with short hair, I can't help but love long hair.

This last board is my "outfit looks" board. Each gal above is wearing something in the right cut, style, and color, for me (I think, at least). I love these outfits and want to emulate them as closely as possible in my own wardrobe.

So that's that for now. I may post some pictures of my outfits from time to time as I keep figuring this all out, and I will certainly post every time I have an epiphany of sorts on this topic.

One quick tip I found yesterday, too...

I had to leave the house by a certain time in order to make it somewhere before they closed, but I didn't want to miss my workout. So I worked out, leaving myself only 30 minutes to shower, dress, get my son dressed, and get out the door! This meant I had no time to really dress. Since as a Mom I don't get out much, I like to make the most of dressing whenever I do go out, even if it is just to run errands. Nevertheless, since I had only 10 minutes to fix my wet hair, put my makeup on, and pick an outfit out, I decided to just wear my corduroys and a long sleeve t-shirt. Still, I wanted to up my style quotient as best as I could for the circumstances. I threw on a belt, a cool hat, big earrings, and wore darker lipstick than normal and managed to really dress up an otherwise plain outfit.

Sometimes I take too much time picking out what to wear so that it looks different, or makes some sort of style statement, and I forget that it's not that complicated. Add a few statement accessories, and that's all you need.

12 comments:

  1. Love your boards, and Great drawing of yourself with short hair!
    My ultimate favorite is the first pic with the red evening gown! I love it!
    Li

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so happy you are posting again! You have been an inspiration to my wardrobe. Thx!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hear hear! This is an excellent post. I love how you have your four boards with different themes that inspire you and explore the "real you."

    I'm sorry to hear that you felt so scorned and scoffed. People need to get a life. If another woman is happy wearing dresses and heels in the park or at the store or while walking around with her toddler or infant or whatever than "go girl!" And if a woman is happy in her jeans and t-shirt and running shoes, well "go girl!" to her too. Seesh, life is too short to miss out on the chance to enjoy who you are and not try to "blend" in with everyone else.

    I applaud you for taking the time to not just figure out what your style is, but for standing firm in your style even if it's different than others.

    When I was a teen I tried to fit in with a "grunge" crowd because I wanted to be friends with the girls I knew. But I realized I was a lot happier being myself and wearing clothes I enjoyed than trying to fit in.

    So.. yeah, "hear hear Vanessa!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are a talented artist!
    I think most of the looks and comments from other moms stem from their own insecurity. I have felt that on the occasions when I have dressed a little nicer than usual, and I have also found myself thinking it about other moms who seem to have it more together than me. This is a good reminder to silence the voices in my head and my own voice when it's tempted to be judgmental.
    I think we all enjoy looking good (whatever that means to us), and I know I have plenty of excuses for why it doesn't happen (no time, no money, ate too much dessert, etc.) ;-). So when we see other women looking gorgeous it reminds us of what we want to be but aren't. Unfortunately we tend to be so comparison-oriented.
    I applaud you for taking the time to think through your style, and thanks for letting us have a peak into your journey! You will definitely inspire the rest of us to do something similar.
    I really liked the last board with all the looks that would work well for your coloring, body type, style, etc. I will be keeping an eye out for photos that do that for me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm new to your blog but am just blow away by your post. As a mother who likes to dress up a bit too I often get looks from other moms. I've wondered if it was because they perhaps felt that maybe I was creating a statement that said I was better than them (which of course I'm not and wasn't trying to do).

    We moms are all so hard on ourselves and eachother...I wish we could just be more supportive -- we're all in a similar boat and have WAY more in common than not.

    Either way, I soooo felt what you were saying and am thrilled you are sharing your journey here!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I loved your post and am loking forward to many more of the sort! The boards are such a wonderful idea - it's great when you have a visual to guide you. I use Polyvore as my inspiration board; I can pick outfits and piecesI like and need to add to my collection.

    I think it's great that you're rethinking your style. There's nothing better than wearing an outfit that makes you feel like a queen - and if that can work everyday, then rock on sister! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yay! Really cool post, Vanessa.

    I agree with Sarah: people need to get a life! (Or hire you as a stylist. Ha!)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love your evaluation of the Mother in Red picture. I"m a homeschooling mother of 5 so trust me, I've been in that long skirt, frumpy phase myself ( !).

    Yesterday I went to vote wearing a knee length skirt, v-neck tank, cardigan and pink ballet flats. I had several comments about "Gee, you're all dressed up." People have become so numb to the slobification of America that we don't even know what dressed up is anymore. I would love to see pollworkers wearing something other than jeans and a sweatshirt. Voting is more important that that.

    Writing and reading about clothes does seem shallow sometimes, but really, you are brightening your own and other people's days by presenting a beautiful feminine front.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I read your post with mixed feelings. I am not a stay at home mom but I do have an 18 month old. We have gone to the park numerous times straight from daycare and I get some crazy looks since I may be wearing 3-4 inch heels, a skirt, hose and blouse but the best thing I am wearing then is a smile while pushing my son in the swing.
    As women, we are all too judgemental and competitive. I wish we could just be happy for one another but think that is a long way off. I am glad you came to the conclusion that you were going to continue to wear skirts and tights. In the end, you will be glad you followed your heart instead of the crowd. Being just like everyone else is not always what it is cracked up to be.
    Life is a journey, enjoy it and embrace it but best of all, dress comfortably for it!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think it's great what you're doing. I have come to discover in my line of work that the clothes you choose are a direct reflection of your personality - so if you try and dress the way others do, you are not being true to yourself.

    All those mums in sneakers have a more 'relaxed' personality than you do, whilst you are more classic, creative, feminine - and this is how you should dress.

    Your classic side is what makes it hard for you to dress down, as does your feminine. Your creative side is what makes the whole process of dressing an artistic one - and shouldn't we all be trying to make the world a more beautiful place - which is what you do with your clothes - why make it uglier, wearing dull, sloppy clothes like such a great poportion of the population?

    Your feminine side loves the little details and the skirts, accessories and those shoes.

    I always get my clients to start pulling pictures from a magazine and creating a scrap book of looks they love, so when they're in a shop they know what sort of clothes to go for, and avoid what doesn't work for them (even if it is on sale!).

    I too tried to do the sneaker, jean thing when I had my son, and I felt so drab and sloppy and unattractive it did nothing for my self-esteem (I ended up with PND), when I started dressing better - yes I got the comments, but people get over that), then I felt much better about myself each time I caught a glimps of myself in the bathroom mirror.

    Keep on blogging about this - I'm enjoying your journey!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm very curious about what religion you were, I was raised Pentecostal, the youngest of 7 kids. I often heard the phrase "in the world but not of it", and I too struggled with being different. And I can really relate to the statement that you enjoyed blending in, because I felt that same feeling the first time I wore a pair of pants in public (of course, then I was different to everyone who had known me for the first 19 years of my life). Anyways, I can definitely appreciate where you are coming from with that. I guess that's why we're not afraid of bright colors and color combos...we're used to being different!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love this! I've recently set out on improving my look, and your idea about creating an inspiration board is so cool.

    I'm sorry some moms are giving you a hard time. That's no fair. Don't worry about them, ok?

    ReplyDelete

I love receiving feedback from my readers! Check back here for a reply to your comment.

-Vanessa