I received an anonymous comment from a former reader who pointed out that my outfits have gotten immodest. I think maintaining modesty is important for all of us, so I'm opening this up for discussion. The comments are as follows:
Anonymous:
Ok, I just have to comment on this dress. You don't have to post this comment publicly, since it's intended for you and not to embarrass or humiliate you. I have followed you for a long time because you say you are a Christian and so am I. I stopped following however, when some of your poses and clothes became very risque. This dress is very immodest, and you should know that.
4:51 PM
nic said...
To Anonymous: I'm sorry I'm not as conservative as you. I am a Christian, and am so sorry to offend you. I am wearing a cami underneath this dress that is beige. Perhaps you thought I was just wearing a low cut dress? The cami covers everything. I do have standards of modesty. I always ask the men in my life (brothers, husband, father) if something is immodest and I don't wear anything that my husband doesn't approve of. As for my poses - I am sorry that these offend. I will try to smile more, but I'm not sure other than the look on my face, how the poses could be risque.
7:23 PM
Anonymous said...
Again, you don't need to post this publicly if you don't want to. I am in no way trying to embarrass you. You are correct, the cami is invisible in that picture. Immodesty is not something I go around pointing out, and I did so in this case only because you are so vocal about your Christianity, and you are representing the body of Christ. It isn't offensive only to me. We are to be a light in this dark world, reflecting God's holiness in all things, including manner of dress. How can we shine when we look/dress just like the world around us? God's world tells us to "come out from them (the world) and be ye separate", and "he that is friends with the world is at enmity with God". Wearing a low cut dress or skin tight Miley Cyrus jeans draws attention to those body parts that were intended for your husband's eyes only, and that isn't modest. It isn't the lack of smiling that is risque. Often it just appears to me that you are trying to look like a "sexy" model, and sexy is for your husband. It is not always easy today to find the right balance of chic and chaste/modest, but as Christian women we have that responsibility. I hope that is helpful. God Bless You, Nic.
My response:
Thank you for your comments. Modesty is something I strive for and I appreciate the accountability.
As a Christian, we each have to follow our convictions based on God’s leading through Scripture on each issue we face in this world – modesty being one of them. If you’re interested in the specific Scriptures I base my beliefs off of or want to discuss this further, please email me at DomesticSophisticate@gmail.com . Generally, though, my conviction is that as a woman, it is my responsibility to look like a chaste/modest woman in order not to offend, seduce, or cause a brother to stumble. Since I don’t see myself the way men do, I rely on the Christian men in my life (husband, father, and brothers), to point out anything that might be immodest. Sure, I have a set of rules, but rules cannot always ensure modesty. For this reason, I allow my husband to overrule my own personal modesty rules. Nevertheless, I know my husband's and my judgment on the matter has not always been perfect, and I have had to get rid of clothes that I realized too late were inappropriate. I didn't see the Miley Cyrus jeans as being immodest before, since my tunic covered my bum - but now that you pointed it out, I can agree with you that they are inappropriate for me.
While I do have convictions of modesty, I don't think that means that I cannot look beautiful or attractive. One of the points I try to make in having this blog is to show the world that you don’t have to give up on style and beauty when you have children. You can be a stay-at-home-working-from-home-mom and still look attractive. I'm not trying to look like a sexy model - I'm trying to look effortlessly attractive (obviously I don’t always achieve this, but this is what I shoot for). In my poses I simply try to look wistful or romantic in an effort to avoid a fake smile photo.
Nic
I am stunned at this. I have never EVER looked at any one of your outfits (and I have read your blog for months upon months!) and even had the thought of "immodest" or the like enter my brain. When I think modesty in terms of clothing, I think "What would a Duggar wear?" I don't think anything you've worn would embarrass a Duggar! (Haha to my "standard" of modesty, but it works. :)) I know the anonymous reader was probably NOT trying to sound judgmental but she kind of did anyway, in my opinion. I hope you didn't let those comments get you down.
ReplyDeleteLike you said at first - you just aren't as conservative as she is! I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I am glad she felt open enough to let you know (because that is how we can grow!) but you can't please everyone all the time. I hope that both you and she can take things from eachother's points and use them to help yourself along your respective journeys.
ReplyDeleteHave a great Mother's Day, Nic!
Hi Nic~
ReplyDeleteI am a 41 year old Image Consultant. As such, I read a wide variety of blogs so that I can better assist my clients. I have followed your blog for about one year. I have never thought that you have dressed in an inappropriate fashion or had a'sexy' look on your face.
It sounds to me like Anonymous is projecting and being judgmental. Maybe she should put a burka on and call it good.
Keep a smile on your beautiful face.
Sam the Cat
Thank you all (so far) for your kind comments - however, I in no way posted this thread to incite any negative feelings toward my anonymous commenter. While we may not all agree on this topic, I think it is healthy to discuss it.
ReplyDeleteAs a new reader to your blog, I would like to congratulate you on discussing openly the subject of modesty. One thing we all have to remember with comments, emails etc. is that we can't hear the tone it was said in. I'm sure this reader felt she knew you through reading your blog and as a friend felt she should point this out. Modesty is personal subject and what is offensive to some isn't to others. We can only pray and learn what is best for ourselves and not judge others. It is healthy to discuss modesty as it seems to be a forgotten subject. We tend to look at what's trendy or figure flattering instead of what does reflect God's holiness. So well done! I think you're doing a great job of reflecting that and that sharing this criticism was very brave.
ReplyDeleteWow! Of all the blogs I read I would consider your style to be one of the most conservative. You always look put together and wear things that flatter, never flaunt. And that blue dress is just gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteI think you posting this shows that you really do care about projecting a modest image of yourself in your daily life and to help inspire your readers to be modest, yet beautiful and stylish at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time with this subject because by nature I'm very big busted (DDD) and it seems like I get judged because of it. I've learned to embrace my curves and dress as appropriate as possible, but one can only hide so much. I get told quite often to just get a deduction, but seriously, it's not that easy. I'm not for having major surgery if not necessary and it's nothing like just deciding to wear a different lipstick.
Sorry, back to you. I think you're beautiful and a great example of a Christian woman who cares about God and that in turn makes you a better wife, mother and woman in general.
I think this could be turned into a great lesson for all your readers, so thank you for being brave enough to share and bring up the topic in a post.
I think Anonymous was brave for posting her opinion, and she obviously tried to do it in a non-aggressive manner. It can be hard to word when you want to offer what you think is constructive criticism. I haven't found that your poses or outfits were trying to be too sexy.
ReplyDeleteI am just over 40 mom and have been reading your blog for a couple of years and have been impressed with how you modestly and appropriately dress but with great style with items found on clearance and sale. You are young, beautiful and do look like a model effortlessly in some of your clothes and poses. What has religion got to do with that? You are not flaunting. If you wore the Miley Cyrus jeans to work outside the house then it could be considered inappropriate work attire. However you work at home and yet are always modestly put together. IMO you do not have anything to be embarrassed about.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others (and you) - modesty is a personal thing based on one's careful consideration of what Scripture says. Totally fine that anonymous is more conservative in this field; totally fine that you may be less so. I've always thought your outfits were physically tasteful and modest.
ReplyDeleteI think that you have handled this situation with a lot of grace - perhaps more than Anonymous deserved. As a Christian myself, I believe that God would NEVER judge us based on how we are dressed or appear outwardly. He only cares about the condition of our hearts and our faith.
ReplyDeleteI think you have great style and I do not think you are "immodest" nor "risque". I think you are a great example of a SAHM who manages to look great on a budget. Keep it up!
I just found your blog today and I'm really enjoying all of your outfits. Your little boy is precious. :) Just have to say that your response to Anonymous was so polite. I haven't seen you in one outfit that I would consider immodest! I would wear everything you've shown with pride.
ReplyDeleteThese sorts of commenters really take the fun out of blogging.
ReplyDeleteDon't let it get you down. You always look lovely and appropriate.