Shout Out to CJ

I have a paper due by the end of this week. It has been over a decade since I've had to write a paper, and I definitely am stiff. It has taken me double the time I'm guessing it took other students to draft something that I originally thought would be so easy. Last week I put in 30 hours and it looks like I'm facing the same amount this week. 

My brain feels foggy and I am aching to be outside and move around. Alas, it snowed yesterday. And to top it off, we got sick. Again. 

It started a couple of weeks ago with Capri throwing up and me catching a respiratory thing that lasted for a week. Then CJ got sick that following Saturday and remained sick through that Monday. Only for Capri to then catch something new that Tuesday and remain sick for a couple of days only for Chris to catch it this past Saturday. Chris is only today better, but wouldn't you know it, Cassi got sick last night. I am SO grateful that my morning sickness has been mild so I can handle all of this sickness on top of the pregnancy! This is the third major virus we've had this year that has hit all five of us!

In the meantime, I just had to take a break from my studies to reflect on how great this boy of mine is...

CJ was asking Chris last week why I had quit law school before and am only now back at it. Without thinking how it would sound, Chris said that I had quit to wait until Chris had finished college, but then CJ had come along and I wasn't able to go back. CJ looked a little downcast - taking the responsibility of me quitting on himself. I gave Chris a look. Chris quickly recovered and said, "You know CJ, maybe Mommy quit back then because of you, but it is because of you that she is now able to go back."

CJ smiled big.

How true that is, though, and I don't think I realized it before Chris said that.

This boy is so much help to me. Even as I'm typing this he just walked in from playing with his sister in the backyard to ask me if he could vacuum the family room because there were crumbs on the floor. Earlier today he finished all of his laundry by himself and re-made his bed perfectly because there was a wrinkle in it.

On days when the viruses have hit me hard he does most of his school by himself without any prodding from me (I help with the catch up work when I've recovered). Oftentimes he takes it upon himself to get his sister and himself their own breakfast, and lately he's gone upstairs to "help" Cassi clean her room almost every day.

I never "blamed" CJ for me quitting law school, because CJ was the most exciting gift and precious thing that ever happened to me. I was glad to quit law school for him. In fact, I find motherhood to be very fulfilling. I don't need to pursue other things to be happy. If I spent every day just being with my children through all of the ups and downs, that would be enough. But I am blessed to have children who allow me to pursue other things, not because I need to, but because I can.

I did not train or make CJ the way he is now. We've gone through some rough times together and it's despite of me that CJ has this helpful nature. God has enabled me to be free to do many things that I don't need to or have to do, but just enjoy doing in addition to doing my favorite thing...which is being a Mom. And I am ever so grateful.

I hope I'll be able to save the contents of this blog for you, CJ, so that you can read this one day when you can truly appreciate and understand the depths of my gratefulness.

I am so thankful for this little man and hope that I can serve him as much in his life as he has served me.